If you're reading this from outside Australia, I apologise from the start for being parochial and incomprehensible. If you're reading this from within Australia, I apologise for my completely un-Australian thoughts.
The AFL semi-finals took place last weekend, and the big news seemed to be that that they resulted in the two remaining Victorian teams being eliminated. This led to dark mutterings about the need to restore the natural order, opposed by enlightened rejoinders -- some from within the elevated ranks of those who have engineered this development -- that all we are seeing is the national competition working, and that we should all get used to it. I happen to think this is self-serving bullshit, but it's not my biggest concern.
What most commentators seem to have missed is that the semi-finals merely re-affirmed the fact that the top four sides after 22 home-and-away games were indeed the top four sides in the competition. They're now allowed to play each other for the premiership, while the bottom four in the 'final eight', as they're called, are no longer required to report for duty. I don't know how many times this has happened in the last ten years or so, but it feels like it happens most of the time.
What nobody seems to want to talk about is that this result makes it obvious, again, that the 'final eight' is a farce. There are sixteen teams in the AFL, and every year half of them get to play in the finals. This means that aspirants only have to win 12 games -- they only have to win one more game than they lose throughout the season -- to make the finals. Is there any elite sporting competition in the world which basks in such mediocrity?
Many years ago, there was a 'final four' in a 12-club competition. That made sense logistically, and felt about right. But it didn't last long once commercial interests took hold. Once the four started being stretched to five and then six, the game was up.
Of course, you won't get any discussion about this in the media (especially in the TV networks that cover the sport). You won't hear or read of footy fans complaining about it. None of the clubs are against it. And the AFL commission – they just love it.
It's a virtuous circle: everybody's happy. Just think about the benefits: the fans get to daydream about their side making the finals well into each season; the networks get to attract advertising for games that would be dead rubbers; the sponsors get extra mileage; the radio stations and the press get to talk and speculate endlessly about the importance of each game every round; the ground managers get to fill their stadiums; the clubs get to sell more membership tickets during the year and to offer hope every new season; and the AFL gets a fortune for broadcasting rights.
There's also the small matter of extra finals, each with large-to-massive attendances, having to be played each year. And several of them get played in the late afternoon or evening, when the dew makes the ground slippery and conditions are often tough for the players, but there's a prime-time TV audience watching all around the country. (And there's continuous pressure from TV for the grand final to be played at night -- what a lip-smacking advertising bonanza that would be.)
This is win-win-win, a beautiful, triple bottom-line.
The only trouble is, it's a carefully confected bit of fairy floss. What's worse, it feels like the worst parts of the Australian character coming together: a ruthless pursuit of material gain; a dumbing down of values and principles; a worship of ordinariness; and a triumph for patronising managerialism.
It's emblematic of a culture that is self-satisfied and loves equalising downwards; in sport, it loves talking itself up as world-class, but won't do anything hard that promotes excellence. Think what a revolutionary symbol it would be if the AFL made the finals a contest reserved for the best of the best -- and not the best of the rest. It ain't gonna happen.
The 'final eight' is a perfect, victimless crime. And no one cares about it, except for cranky individuals like me.
The same factors are at work behind the scenes of the national competition. The biggest motivation behind this concoction is the pursuit of national markets for the code and for its partners in crime. As part of this, the AFL rigs the rules so that no side can stay at the top (or will languish at the bottom) for very long. This reinforces all the commercial advantages of having a 'final eight'. Again, no one complains, because they all benefit from it. Even the clubs -- the most likely 'stakeholders' to complain -- are bought off with financial bailouts and generous distributions of advertising funds.
The AFL has constructed a remarkable hybrid: a socialist, heavily regulated competition delivered to an arch-capitalist marketplace. Strangely enough, this has been modelled on the US's National Football League. Funny how 'free trade' goes out the window when there are higher matters at stake.
Which brings us back to the lagging Victorian sides. This is not an accident of history; it is the direct result of the structure of the competition. With Melbourne's grounds having been rationalised to the MCG and the atrociously surfaced Telstra Dome, each interstate side now has a substantial home-ground advantage: it gets to play at home for half its games, and its Victorian visitors suffer the known disadvantages of interstate travel. (The interstate teams have to travel as well, of course, but their away record is much better -- maybe practice makes perfect.) Meantime, back in Victoria, the only ground that confers a home-ground advantage is Geelong's, and they're often not good enough to get the benefit of it.
As well, there's now a paradoxical reversion to tribalism -- the basis of the original VFL -- which also favours the interstate sides. They recruit a higher proportion of their players locally than do the Victorian sides, and their fans relate emotionally to those sides, just like the non-national good-old-days of the suburban VFL. With only one side in Brisbane and Sydney, and two each in Adelaide and Perth, this is completely understandable -- and unbeatable. In the meantime, the Victorian teams are becoming more like brands.
I don't expect any of this to change in the foreseeable future. In fact, when the AFL adds a couple more interstate sides over the next several years, I'm sure there'll be pressure for a 'final ten'. After that, I reckon, there'll be a really revolutionary idea: a finals series in which everybody gets another chance. They'll probably call it the AFL Cup.
Henry Rosenbloom