What's the one thing a parent can do to make the most difference in the long run? The research is clear: show up! Now the bestselling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood.
One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out — in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships — is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, this might sound like a tall order. But as bestselling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, showing up doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it's simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child's healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S's:
- Safe: We can't always insulate a child from injury or hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbour, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
- Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions — both the positive and the negative — and strive to attune to what's happening in his mind beneath his behaviour.
- Soothed: Soothing isn't about providing a life of ease, but instead teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you'll be there with him along the way.
- Secure: When you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!
Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, illustrations and tips for honouring the Four S's effectively in all kinds of situations — when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologising for the times we don't show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are reparable and that it's never too late to mend broken trust, this is a powerful guide to cultivating your child's healthy emotional landscape.
‘At a cultural moment when many kids feel more competition with their parents’ devices than with their siblings, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spun a miracle — The Power of Showing Up is the ultimate guide to family reconnection. Clear, profound, and charmingly illustrated, it unravels the challenges of modern parenting and reveals the simple truths about what children really need from the adults in their lives.’
Wendy Mogel, New York Times bestselling author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus
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‘Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have written their best book yet — and that is saying a lot. They have distilled their parenting wisdom — based on neuroscience research and a deep empathy for children’s needs — into a profound concept: showing up. It is one of those great ideas that seems so obvious — but only after someone has shown it to you and spelled it out clearly. Best of all, Siegel and Bryson “show up” for the reader of this book. They know parents, know their fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams. They know that showing up for children is harder than it sounds, and they provide an accessible path to seeing and soothing children and providing them with safety and security.’
Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting
‘This hopeful new book goes to the heart of every parent’s greatest wish: to raise a child who grows up to be a secure adult. In an unpredictable world, that can feel almost impossible. Drs Siegel and Bryson teach us how a parent can make a child feel safe, seen, soothed and secure, even if he or she didn't have that in their own childhoods. There is parenting magic in this book.’
Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic, Raising Cain
‘Parenting at this moment in time and at today’s pace feels hard. But that makes it all that much more important that we try to simplify the process of parenting and not put quite so much pressure on our own parenting shoulders. The Power Showing Up will help you do just that. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne are master teachers when it comes to helping parents react and respond to kids in ways that communicate “I hear you”. They articulate and quantify how to make your parenting easier — and better!’
Christine Carter, PhD, author of Raising Happiness
Praise for Aware:
Meditation strengthens our attention, opens our awareness, and helps us cultivate compassion and kind intention, which have been shown to improve our health and our relationships. That’s exactly what Dan Siegel offers us with Aware
, a practical guide to a life changing journey into the deep nature of our consciousness, what it means to be human and how to truly thrive.
Arianna Huffington, Founder & CEO, Thrive Global; Founder, The Huffington Post
Praise for Parenting from the Inside Out:
‘Parenting from the Inside Out is a must-have for any parent. Mary Hartzell has helped me immeasurably in my quest to be the best possible parent I can be.’
Gwyneth Paltrow, Goop
Praise for Brainstorm:
‘This book is chock-full of cutting-edge knowledge as well as a deep compassion for teenagers, the adults they will become, and the teenagers in all of us.’
Praise for No-Drama Discipline:
‘What a relief! Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson take the difficulty out of discipline, for parents or anyone who has to help kids behave. No-Drama Discipline offers a research-based, commonsense approach that any grown-up will be happy to use, and any kid will benefit from.’
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence
Praise for Mindsight:
‘A daring plan of action for a wiser and kinder life.’
Diane Ackerman, author of The Zoo-Keeper’s Wife
Praise for The Whole-Brain Child:
‘Fears? Fights? Frustrations? Help is here! Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson turn leading brain science into simple, smart — and effective — solutions to your child’s struggles.’
Harvey Karp, MD, bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block